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FAKE BLEACHER REPORT

OR REAL?
Apr 14 '11

SLIDSHOW: top dayz of the weak

1. sunday
2. fursday
3. moOnday
4. Toozday
5. whensday
6. sunday
7. saturday
8. Fryday

Feb 11 '11

SLIDSHOW: 5 Most Important Thigns to Remember as A Baseball Player

5. Catch the ball - http://i.a.cnn.net/si/2004/baseball/mlb/specials/postseason/2004/10/24/bc.bbo.worldseries.bumb.ap/p1_ramirez_error_ap.jpg

When playing basball is important to remember to catch the ball. Without catching the bal, no outs. Just remember what Derek Jeter said, “I thik everyone is ticklish.”

4. Hit the ball - http://payoffpitch.mlblogs.com/jimmy-rollins.jpg

Hitting is argably MORE important that catchingn when playing baseball. Hitting adds runs and runs win the game, get to the playoffs. Hitting = important.

3. Run the bases - http://i.cdn.turner.com/si/2010/writers/cliff_corcoran/10/13/division.series.learned/elvis-andrus-ap2.jpg

Tieing direct in with hitting the ball, comes running the bases. If your slow or bad at baserunning, you team will suffer mitely. Always remember that home base is a base so that you can remember the power of baserunning.

2. Pitch - http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTPh1Up_LGjVR-RVsxSrkbY0yiq4D74wRYzbUi_Vt4aSOLGRMv6_A&t=1

The best way to win baseball game is to follow these rules and disrupt other team’s following. How to stop baserunning, hitting you ask? Pitch. Good pitching beats good hitting. Fact. Even Albert Pojuls most impoirtant man, cannot beat a good pitcher 99 times out of 10.

1. Do not be annoying - http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_q7mxFVNlpVA/TOyJ9zRnwAI/AAAAAAAAAK8/gHMgbpXVrHw/s1600/derek-jeter.jpg

Look at annoying players, tell me careers are good. You can not. Look at not annoying players, tell me careers are bad. You cna not. Derek Jeter is nice and better than Mitloon Bradleys. Randy Johnson was better than Carlos Zamboni. Remember nice guys finish firt in the globular baseball.

Thanks to @KevinSmasher

Feb 10 '11

MLB OFFSEASON AWARDS

Pitchers and catchers rport in about 2 weeks so I thought I could start a yearly tradition and talk about the winners and loosers of the MLB offseason. Here’s too the first of many :)


BEST PITCHER SIGNING: Alphonso SorianoI know what your thinking. “How could this not be Cliff Lee!” Well because the Phillies already have good pitchers in Holliday and Oswald and didn’t address their suspect bullpen. The Yankees gave themselves the best setup/closer combo in baseball with Soriano and Marinara Rivera. Here’s a fact two change you’re mind: teams are under 500 when they blow saves.

BEST POSITION PLAYER SIGNING: Jeff FrancouerAfter years of being a laughing stalk of MLB, the Royals are finding themselves on the right track after getting Jeff “Frenchie” Francouer to patrol right field. GM Dayton More went out and got himself a proven RBI guy to drive in minor league fenoms like Mike Mouzakas and Erik Homeser. Look out for the Royals as a team on the rise

WORST PITCHER SIGNING: Armando Galarraga After being embarrassed by their pitchers last year, the Phoenix Diamond Backs went out and traded for Galarraga for practically nothing. I can’t believe the bunch of dummies working for the Tigers. The man pitched a perfect game last year. Something pitching greats like Greg Maddox and Kurt Shilling have never done. 

WORST POSITION PLAYER SIGNING: David EcksteinYou’re probably wondering why he is on hear because hes not signing with anywhere. THAT’S EXACTLY THE REASON. Mister X-Factor himself is not on a major league club right now. Are we in some sort of alternateive universe where a career .280 average is bad?! Every baseball team are mega dumbos for not taking this excellent ballplayer

Contributed by @matthewrjohnson

Feb 10 '11

ALBURT POO HOLES?

WHEN U TAK ABOTU THE IDMPROTANCE OF BAES BALL YOU HAF TO TAKL BOUT
ALBART PUHOLS.  DUDE HAS SERIUS POWAR AND ABIALTY TO WILL HIMSELF A
WIN FOR HIS TEEM, THE RED BARDS OF SAINT LOUIE.  1 OF MY FAVORAT PARTS
OF ALBART’S GAM,E IS HIS RAW POWAR AND ABLITY TO PLAY SHORTSTOP.  HE’S
BETTER THAN A-RDO COZ HE NEVER GETS POPCORN PICS OF HUIM WITH GIRLS.
HE DOESNT CARE ABOTU GIRLS, HE LUVS JESUS AND HATES STERROIDS.

THAT’S WHY BAES BALL IS GONNA GET BETTAR THX TO BIG O’ FAT ALBART.

—- REPORTING FOR VFBR I’M JAY

Feb 10 '11

SLIDSHOW: 25 REASONS WHY YOU SHOULD LET ME WRITE FOR YOU

1. I know sports real good
2. I’m not a slut or a skank like Erin Andrews or Dara Torres or any other women related in any way to any sport or athletic competition
3. I know a million different variations on “Gay-Rod”
4. I hold players accountable for their steroid use, especially the steroid use that I make up in my head and for which no “hard” evidence exists (looking at you, Griffey)
5. I know the difference between a passionate team leader like Michael Young and a horrible clubhouse killing cancer like Milton Bradley
6. I never raped anyone (but only because I’ve never been alone with Danica Patrick, you know what I mean?)
7. I totally picked the Phillies to land Cliff Lee before anyone else (ask my buddy Andy, he’ll back me up)
8. I can tell you why Albert Pujols is gonna sign with the White Sox (he and Ozzie speak-o the same language-o, comprend-o?)
9. I made Zack Greinke cry one time
10. I was at a Philly game when Nancy Drew played for the Cardinals, and I totally hit him in the head with a battery
11. I was the only guy I knew, or saw on TV, who had the guts to pick the Packers to win the Super Bowl
12. I’m not afraid to point out that the Cheatriots haven’t won anything since Spygate
13. I know like a zillion foot fetish jokes
14. I can tie at least half of those jokes into secondary jokes about how Jenn Sterger’s a whore
15. I offer insights and perspective that you won’t see anywhere else, like saying that Aaron Rodgers is the best QB in the league
16. I can call Jay Cutler a pussy in six different languages
17. I’ll write long diatribes about how it’s terrible that the NBA has become a me-first, thug-oriented league, and how I long for the glory days of Larry Bird and Bill Walton
18. I possess the uncanny ability to completely ignore any horrible crime committed by my favorite athlete (those sluts were probably asking for it, anyway)
19. My opinion on a given player is completely reliant on what Peter Gammons says about him this week
20. I will always always always put an asterisk beside any record held by Barry “*” Bonds
21. I have a high sports IQ, unlike every NFL running back except Danny Woodhead and Peyton Hillis
22. I literally shoot myself in the head whenever I listen to Joe Buck
23. Literally
24. You wouldn’t have to pay me any more than Auburn paid Cam Newton to go there
25. I yell at the TV when a manager makes a dumb move (like every time he doesn’t bunt)

from http://twitter.com/TVGugs

Jan 7 '11
Jan 4 '11
SUPRE EXCLSUIVE JEFF FRANCURE INNERVIEW
BLEACHER REPORT: Thanks for agreeng to have this innerview with usJEFF FRANCOEUR: Sure thing.  Josh Hamilton told me that your website reminded him of me, so I’m glad to do it.BR: Speeking of Joss, what was it like it playing with him?JEFF: Besides the whole God thing he goes on about all of the time, I enjoyed him.  He’s a much better outfielder than I can ever imagine to be.  I spiked his Mountain Dew with vodka once.BR: Are u exsited to play wiff the Royals this year?JEFF: It will be great to be on a team that’s as mediocre as I am.BR: U seem likk a guy that spends a lot of time on the bench.  What do you do 2 pass the time?JEFF: Think about the 2005 season and how I can continue to ride the coattails of that.BR: The last few yrs have been tuff for u.  What do you attribute yur struggles to?JEFF: Everyone else but myself.  The fans in NY, mostly.BR: Do u have anything to say with to are readers?JEFF: Keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars

SUPRE EXCLSUIVE JEFF FRANCURE INNERVIEW

BLEACHER REPORT: Thanks for agreeng to have this innerview with us

JEFF FRANCOEUR: Sure thing.  Josh Hamilton told me that your website reminded him of me, so I’m glad to do it.

BR: Speeking of Joss, what was it like it playing with him?

JEFF: Besides the whole God thing he goes on about all of the time, I enjoyed him.  He’s a much better outfielder than I can ever imagine to be.  I spiked his Mountain Dew with vodka once.

BR: Are u exsited to play wiff the Royals this year?

JEFF: It will be great to be on a team that’s as mediocre as I am.

BR: U seem likk a guy that spends a lot of time on the bench.  What do you do 2 pass the time?

JEFF: Think about the 2005 season and how I can continue to ride the coattails of that.

BR: The last few yrs have been tuff for u.  What do you attribute yur struggles to?

JEFF: Everyone else but myself.  The fans in NY, mostly.

BR: Do u have anything to say with to are readers?

JEFF: Keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars

Dec 13 '10
Actual B/R Headline: “Snow Doubt About it”
That’s funny.

Actual B/R Headline: “Snow Doubt About it”

That’s funny.

Dec 13 '10
"When will Karl Krawford sign?"
Nov 23 '10